Monday, April 28, 2008

Pulling the Goalie

It is on. We tried our hand at conception for the first time last night. B was more relaxed about it than I was. I kept joking about how my anxiety was going to cause my cervix to expel anything that tried to get through.
Also, I am back on the prenatals.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Feeling Better

I was depressed for the past couple of days and B thinks it is because I got nervous about having a baby and that might be true. I was having a terrible time getting anything done. But today was better and I did almost everything that I needed to do today and I have a list of things that I am going to get done tomorrow. I have grand plans to make Ina Garten's Coq au Vin for dinner tonight.
I talked to RS today and I didn't tell her that I was depressed, but she managed to cheer me up all the same. There is nothing better than a great friend to make a person feel better. I'm sure antidepressants are fantastic too, but I don't have any of those at the moment and, since I'm thinking of having a baby, I don't think now is the time to start taking them. But I do think now might be the time to actually call one of the doctor referrals that I've gotten and make sure that I'm up to the mental/emotional challenges of having a baby.
We leave for Mexico this weekend and I'm going to start packing tomorrow. Of course, I had all these ideas that I'd lose a ton of weight before this trip so I'd feel fabulous in a bathing suit, but alas, this has not happened. So now I have to spend the week feeling a bit large while lying on a beach chair next to my friend who is literally anorexic. Not that I envy her that problem.

Friday, April 11, 2008


Even though both my home phone and my cell phone show the number and even the name of who is calling me, I still answer the phone with, "Hello?" as if I don't know who it is going to be. I can't get the hang of just saying, "Hey" or "Hey, what's up?" as a few of my friends do.

Successful recipes that I found on the internet and made this week:
Spring Panzanella
Vodka Sauce
Chicken and Rice with Black Bean Salsa

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Apparently, Most of Us Are Diseased

I went to Barnes and Noble today to buy a book on fertility. I first searched for it in the Pregnancy and Childbirth section before heading to ask at the Customer Service desk. The man who was helping me also headed to the Pregnancy and Childbirth section to find the book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." After we still couldn't find it, he said he'd go and check the computer again. He returned to tell me that the book was in the health section, so we walked over there. We didn't see it under Health, which actually seemed to be taken over by the Diet section, so he moved over to the next row of bookshelves, and there the book was, right under the sign that read "Diseases." I laughed and said, "I didn't realize fertility was a disease." To which he replied, "I guess it all depends on how you feel about children."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I Survived Yoga

I have been wanting to go to this yoga class at a nearby community center for about a year now. It is inexpensive and welcomes all levels, so it is perfect for me. But I have anxiety issues, which makes it really difficult for me to do things that may involve new experiences, where I may not know what to do or where to go, etc. For some reason, these situations cause me to panic and blush and sweat and feel like a complete moron. So I avoid these situations.
I have been trying to work on my anxiety, with and without medication, so I decided to go to the yoga class. My heart is racing right now, just remembering how I felt when I was getting ready to leave my apartment. It turned out okay, though. I found a place to park without giving up and driving home and then walked from the car to the community center, with lots of traffic driving by and people witnessing my yoga outfit and everything, and made it into the yoga class without too much sweating. My cheeks, however, were flushed.
The instructor was very nice and assured me that where I put my mat was okay and I didn't die right there on the spot or run from the room crying when she said, after we had been doing poses (is that what you call it?) for a while and I was totally sweaty and red faced, that there would be partner work (Thank God a friend had mentioned that this sometimes happens in yoga classes or I would have most likely turned a horrific shade of purple and lost my ability to speak). Luckily, the girl next to me decided to be my partner and saved me from the dreaded "looking around the room hoping desperately to be picked by someone but not wanting to look too desperate" thing. She was very nice and didn't mind that I was a complete novice and I didn't mind that she put her feet on my shoulders and I tried not to think about what she thought about my feet touching her and then it was over and I was surprised to find that I was still alive and no one was pointing at me and laughing and my partner didn't suggest that I might not want to come back to the class again.
The actual yoga part was fantastic and I felt stretched and strong and I will definitely be going back next week. I might even go tomorrow for a gentle yoga class because I really do need to work on my flexibility.
I have been thinking today of starting the prenatal vitamins, but I really do enjoy having a fully functional digestive system. My poor hypothetical baby. I am thinking of only myself already.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I Am Scared of My Prenatal Vitamins

I am not pregnant, but when I went to my last gynecologist appointment in November, she told me that I should start on prenatal vitamins, since we were going to start trying in the Spring. She gave me a few sample boxes and I figured that I would try them in January.
I have never been so constipated in my life. I asked my friend who already has kids and she said that this tends to happen, but that I should get one with a stool softener and that would fix the problem. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the one I was taking did have a stool softener. I suffered through all fifteen pills and then stopped taking them. That fixed the problem. I got my prescription filled and said I'd start them up again the next month.
It is now April and I have not taken another one of them. I am scared of them.
But I am going to have to start taking them because B and I said that we'd start trying in May and it is now early April. I'm having second thoughts about starting in May because I have to be in my friend's wedding in June. I don't want to be sick or fat and in my friend's wedding.
Or am I just scared of getting pregnant? And do I have to take these prenatals, or can I just wait until I get pregnant and start taking them?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Mexico Cruise

I survived a three day cruise to Ensenada, Mexico on Royal Caribbean's Monarch of the Seas. We left from San Pedro on Friday at 5:30 pm and returned on Monday very early. We were in line to disembark at 6:30 am.
It was not as bad as I thought it might be. The rooms were small, but not terribly so, and very clean. The service on board was outstanding. The food was not bad. Meals in the main dining room were on par with wedding food at any hotel or country club. Pricing was very reasonable, considering that all food (except for room service, Ben and Jerry's and Seattle's Best Coffee) was included. You also had to pay for soft drinks, but we bought a package for $18 that allowed us to have unlimited fountain drinks all weekend.
Ensenada was a bust. It is not a destination that I ever need to see again. Thankfully I've been to Mexico before, or I would have been horrified. I thought it was going to be like Puerto Vallarta, but it was not. At all. But we found a cute little bar and settled in for a few drinks. That made me excited for our upcoming trip to Sayulita.
It was too cold to sit out by the pool on the ship, but we managed to do it a bit anyway. I can't sit for too long, so I used the track that ran around the boat and wandered through the different bars and the casino. We partied in the main dance club and watched a comedy show there on Sunday night. The comedian was actually quite funny.