Monday, July 22, 2013
Turns out I am terrible at blogging, but I want to write more. I now have two kids. It is exhausting. I recently wrote to a friend that "having two is exhausting..." and she replied that she thought that mothering can be exhausting no matter how many kids you have. She is completely right, of course and I need to write her back to explain that I was not implying that I am any more exhausted than a mother of one has a right to be. I never want to be that mom that says,"I remember what it was like to just have one...," with a know-it-all look on her face as her four kids run around like crazy people. This happened to me not too long ago, I am just remembering. I was without my kids but with a friend and her child, who is an infant. This lady came in with her older children, who were being rude and wild and started commenting on how lucky my friend was and that she shouldn't have any trouble with her kid because one is so easy and SHE knows because she has this huge brood now, or whatever. People of the public, keep your mouths shut about other people's situations, please. Okay? Anyway, so now I'm feeling that I did that to my friend over email and I want to explain. What I meant to say was that I did not expect two to be so exhausting. That I have felt so tired and sometimes that has made me feel miserable and depressed and as if I was a big, big failure as a mother and a person. Then I complain to friends and the good ones make me realize that my only responsibilities as a mother are to keep my children healthy and safe. I don't have to do it with a smile, while wearing clean clothes and makeup, having showered or made homecooked meals. I can complain and be tired and sad and dirty and lay one the couch after the kids go to bed and not make food for the following week or any of those things. If I do those things, yay for me! And if you do those things I will not judge you. I have things that I like to do because they make me feel good and those things are often on the list. But sometimes I'm just going to lay on the couch and watch Scandal or reruns of American Justice and Law & Order and not clean up after the kids or myself. And sometimes I'm going to go out and meet up with friends for dinner or drinks and let someone else put my kids to bed and clean up after dinner. I'm going to be okay with that.