I Have Two Kids

Turns out I am terrible at blogging, but I want to write more. I now have two kids. It is exhausting. I recently wrote to a friend that "having two is exhausting..." and she replied that she thought that mothering can be exhausting no matter how many kids you have. She is completely right, of course and I need to write her back to explain that I was not implying that I am any more exhausted than a mother of one has a right to be. I never want to be that mom that says,"I remember what it was like to just have one...," with a know-it-all look on her face as her four kids run around like crazy people. This happened to me not too long ago, I am just remembering. I was without my kids but with a friend and her child, who is an infant. This lady came in with her older children, who were being rude and wild and started commenting on how lucky my friend was and that she shouldn't have any trouble with her kid because one is so easy and SHE knows because she has this huge brood now, or whatever. People of the public, keep your mouths shut about other people's situations, please. Okay? Anyway, so now I'm feeling that I did that to my friend over email and I want to explain. What I meant to say was that I did not expect two to be so exhausting. That I have felt so tired and sometimes that has made me feel miserable and depressed and as if I was a big, big failure as a mother and a person. Then I complain to friends and the good ones make me realize that my only responsibilities as a mother are to keep my children healthy and safe. I don't have to do it with a smile, while wearing clean clothes and makeup, having showered or made homecooked meals. I can complain and be tired and sad and dirty and lay one the couch after the kids go to bed and not make food for the following week or any of those things. If I do those things, yay for me! And if you do those things I will not judge you. I have things that I like to do because they make me feel good and those things are often on the list. But sometimes I'm just going to lay on the couch and watch Scandal or reruns of American Justice and Law & Order and not clean up after the kids or myself. And sometimes I'm going to go out and meet up with friends for dinner or drinks and let someone else put my kids to bed and clean up after dinner. I'm going to be okay with that.

Success!

It appears that we are whiny, whiny whiners. As I type this, I am pregnant. I am cautiously optimistic, however, since I have a friend who recently miscarried at two months and I am at 7 weeks. I am tired and nauseated unless my stomach is completely full. I bailed on traveling to Santa Barbara this evening to see Radiohead because I worried that I would feel too sick in the car and it is also supposed to be cold and rainy and I just don't think I can handle it all while fighting the nauseated feeling.
But I am very happy.
I have yet to see the doctor or do anything baby related, really. I have been thinking of furniture for when we have two kids in one bedroom and I feel as though I should really put some things in my first kid's baby book before the second kid is born. I would also like to decorate the house before the baby comes.
Fingers crossed!

Drawing Blood

I went and had a blood test today. Testing FSH levels? I also picked up a kit for the husband so he can have his stuff evaluated. It is starting to feel as if everyone is pregnant except for me, but I know that others have had much more trouble getting pregnant than I could even begin to fathom. I think that it is hard for me because I am such a type A and I wanted my kids to be three years apart and here we are heading to four years or more and for some reason it makes me sad. I need to just let go and let things happen the way they are going to happen.

Back Again

Wow, that was a long break. On Sunday I will have a three-year-old. My doctor asked me the other day if it flew by and I had to honestly say, no. There are times when time flew, but I do feel as though I am living each moment and I feel time passing. When I look at baby pictures of my son, I can't believe that he was ever that baby and I try to recall how I was feeling and what my life was like then and it is hard to do. That's what I mean by saying that time has not flown by. I feel as though that was a whole other life ago, the baby years. We are now embarking, or trying to embark on a new voyage, that's what the doctor visit was about. We'll see how that goes.

August

Aaaaah! How did it become August already? I have done none of the work for school that I thought I would get done. I did, however, research and visit preschools, unpack most of the boxes that were sitting in my living room and mostly finished furnishing my home. That's what I tell myself when I start panicking right before bed.
Ace had his tubes put in and all is well, so far. He had his little tongue clipped and now it does seem longer and he was in very little pain. So, yay!
Back to work!

Summer

I am halfway through my first month of summer vacation. I am getting a little anxious about time going by quickly and summer being over before I have enough time to enjoy myself, but I am fighting that anxiety and just trying to relax.
I have a lot of work to do, some work things, some house related things and some other things.
We moved in April. Now we live in an adorable two bedroom, plus a bonus room, with one full bath and a half bath off of the kitchen. We have a yard, which makes B very happy. Ace loves it. He has his very own "play room," as he calls it. We are very lucky to have found the home, since it is within the zone of the excellent K-6 public school nearby.
Speaking of schools, that is one of my projects for this summer. I am looking into preschools for Ace.
He has been at a daycare/preschool that has made us and him, happy for the most part, but we did very little research into other daycares and now that he is of preschool age (depending on the school, actually, some do not start until 3) I am thinking that we need to get out there and see what is available. We are priced out of some of the preschools in our area and others are not conveniently located, or do not offer the extended day that we would need to accomodate our work schedules. I have three appointments lined up already and hope to make one more.
In other Ace news, he is getting tubes put in his ears tomorrow. Poor little guy has had about ten ear infections since January. I feel bad that we didn't have the procedure done sooner, but we kept hoping that he would grow out of it. We actually had the surgery scheduled for May, but the doctor looked in his ears and said that they were clear and maybe we should wait. Then Ace got two ear infections in a row in June and July, so we scheduled the procedure for tomorrow. I have heard that it is not a big deal, but I am worried that he will be scared about being in the hospital and I am starting to get more nervous about him being put under anethesia. But so many parents have told me that the tubes were the best thing that happened to their kid, so I am hopeful.

Back from the Darkness

Well, returning to work certainly kicked my tush! I have never been so tired in my whole entire life. And I only have 8 students! I really feel awful that I didn't take time to write this year, there has been so much that has happened. Let's just say that I am very happy that I went back to work, that things eventually settled down and worked out and that next year I am working four less hours a week so that I can do things with my son and not feel anxious about what I am not doing for school.
I decided today that the school year is basically over. We just got back from Spring Break and I was looking at the calendar and we have the rest of this month, plus two and a half weeks and then we are done. During this time my class has three field trips, a visit from the seniors from the senior living facility that we have been visiting, a thing called generations day and then I'm sure there will be time given to a special First Grade Consecration that takes place.
I am going to do a mammals unit and read then The BFG and Charlotte's Web (If I get to that one) and then that's it! Yay!
June 17th is the last day and we fly out that night to spend a week on Cape Cod, following a friend's wedding. I am so excited!
Happy to be back to writing.